


Humans are a Tragedy

by NihilismPastry



Series: Always Read the Fine Print [2]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alastor is in Hell for a Reason (Hazbin Hotel), Asexuality is a spectrum, Enemies to Lovers, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24854557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NihilismPastry/pseuds/NihilismPastry
Summary: You go through some paperwork, and Alastor makes your life complicated as per usual.
Relationships: Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)/Reader
Series: Always Read the Fine Print [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798060
Comments: 1
Kudos: 92





	Humans are a Tragedy

**Author's Note:**

> Gore warning: N/A

Humans were a tragedy and a half. That's what you had learned in the last few weeks that you played as Charlie's notary and secretary. Going through documents of this potential demon and that potential demon, you'd only seen real misery and coldness. Small things that shouldn't have earned a spot in hell, small things that hardly inconvenienced a soul, and here they were. And yet when you interacted with demons, heard them talk, they all sounded like hardened criminals who had done the worse sins imaginable...

As if they had completely rejected their previous humanity. 

You pushed the files away and leaned against the window in your office. The warmth from outside soaked into your skin and made your eyes even heavier. When was the last time you'd gotten some real sleep? Hell gave you nightmares... or maybe the resident demons did. Either way, the last time you got real sleep was a month ago when you landed in Alastor's summoning circle. Otherwise, you spent more time tossing, and turning, and waiting for morning than anything else. 

"I'm going insane." 

"Oh, I hardly would think so, Wish Bone." 

You groaned and squeezed your eyes shut as you heard Alastor walk into the office. His voice was cheerful and relaxed, and for some reason that made you hate it all the more. "What do you need today?"

"Well, I did come to check up on you. It's hardly like you to miss out on Charlie-Dear's big meetings. Afterall, you actually believe in her delusions." 

"..."

You could feel his stare as he sat across from you. "Unless you don't anymore? Did reading about the denizens of this infernal place throw you off life's spring path?" 

"Dude, I just wanna sleep." You opened your eyes for the first time. "I'm tired, and hungry, and I keep getting nightmares. I just can't with Charlie's enthusiasm or your dick-ish pleasantness this morning." 

"Is that so." 

" _YES_." 

He tilted his head, and you wanted to hate yourself for thinking he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "Humans really are a tragedy. They require so much to function, and just a slight imbalance causes them to make horrid mistakes." 

"I'm not apologizing for stating the obvious." You deadpanned. "You're not being nice when you're talking pleasantly. You and I both know it." 

"True, but are you only being so bold because you're under the Princess's protection, or because of your current lack of inhibitions?" 

"... Being a suicidal mess has a lot more to do with it." 

"Clearly." 

You sighed and shut your eyes again. "Can I ask why you're really here?"

"You just did!"

You ignored the laughing track in the background, and tried to sink further into the window. "Do you think anyone will actually come to this hotel? She's brought 'potential candidates', but no one except Angel Dust actually wants to rehabilitate themselves." 

"Oh, I'm certain people will want to come here." The response was so fast it made you open your eyes again. Alastor was staring out the window now, his smile nearly splitting his face in two. "If only for free room and board, there will be demons that will flock to these halls and will hear Charlie's rather ridiculous spiel. They may do the whole charade of putting on angel wings and lovely cherubim behavior, but eventually they will do what all humans do..."

"Which is?" 

His gaze shifted to you as his eyes glowed crimson and became radio dials. "Fall back into the pit of failure and despair from whence they came." 

You wanted to ask him if that applied to him as well. If his current success as an Overlord was ever toppled by the much more powerful ones around, would that mean he would be back at square one...

But while you were a typical nihilistic millennial, you also didn't want to die a gruesome and prolonged death. So you keep your mouth shut, and snag the next paper off your desk, quietly humming along to whatever swing band Alastor is making himself emit. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, I have more of these! I decided to put 'Wish Bone's' story into a series of sorts, so check that out every once in awhile I guess. Know what doesn't check out? 
> 
> My Twitter! https://twitter.com/NilPastry


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